It turns out we are all fat cows! or Fragile?
So the now infamous blog "Fat Cow" turned out to be a massive platform for incredible fitness instructors globally to have a voice and show solidarity in my words... A sad yet poignant truth that we are just not enough.
In a nutshell the blog read that people judge you on your size, it doesn't matter your capability. (note the blog is old and I have grown considerably since it's first release)
Shocked and equally delighted at the outpouring of responses all with similar messages. I had 37 pages of stories and rants from instructors all encountering anxiety and issues regarding their body image. I was shocked because the realisation that so many inspiring people are affected by body image attackers and was delighted that I was not alone.
Actually, that was my fast brain talking. As I poured over the statements and began to talk it through with my best friend and number one fan (my husband) we started to see a bigger picture.
It's not just fitness professionals, it is anyone who puts themselves in front the public. By doing that, you put yourself under the magnifying glass as we love flaws.
Western society is comfortable with airbrushing and perfection, from body doubles in blockbuster movies to Apps that blur wrinkles and squeeze waistlines to get more likes on social media pages.
Now let me tell you I am really good at what I do and have inspired many participants to step up and become trainers themselves over the years. I have been told that I have saved lives by getting people moving and changed lives because body shapes have significantly changed and livers are no longer fatty.
After some serious personal development and soul searching over the last year I had discovered that I quite like the slightly chubby me because sometimes my thick skin is not thick enough. I have an alter ego, as do many group exercise instructors, actresses and personalities. I have the wild, naughty, energised self, the one that you see when I turn into Sasha Fierce in my Zumba classes and then there is the quiet, likes to meditate and have extreme privacy side that needs seclusion to recharge my soul so I can live another day in the firing line.
Why can't I be enough to you? Why can't you be satisfied that I do a good job? Why do you want me thin? I am good enough for me. I want to feel my happiness and be the best I can. I want others see what is beneath and know that my integrity is intact and that I am authentic. I am not competing with anyone.
My Mum always uses the "been there, done that" phrase (which has often driven me mad over the years). I have one body and one chance in life to be the best I can be. If that is what your goals are, then free yourself from those self limiting beliefs and stop following the crowd as they don't always know where they are going.
Who cares if your instructors don't look like supermodels, just care about how they have made you feel and in turn how you have shared that feeling onwards. That feeling stays with you so much longer. Take time for yourself to listen to your inner goddess and remind her she is beautiful on the inside and the outside.
Your instructors can sometimes be fragile. They give so much every day for their craft. For that hour they have given you, they may have worked several hours practising at the sacrifice of so much, to give you craft perfection. Be mindful of your words and opinions. We are all fragile, we all need a hug, a smile and some kindness.
As for The Fat Cow, having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage not weakness.